When Did Love Become Just About Sex?

 Ask someone today "Are you in love?" and the next question is "Have you guys done it?"

Somehow, we have started measuring love by how physical it is.

If you haven't had sex, it's not "serious." If you have, it must be love. We have confused intimacy with love and love with body count.

Why did this happen?

1. Because Movies and Reels Sold Us This Idea

Every love story now has to have a kissing scene, a bedroom scene, a "first time" scene. No movie shows two people just sitting and talking for 3 hours and feeling safe. That doesn't sell. So we started thinking, if my relationship doesn't look like that, maybe it's not love.

Instagram, web series, porn - everything tells us love = hot body, sex, physical attraction. Nobody teaches us about emotional intimacy.

2. Because Physical Is Easier Than Emotional

To have sex with someone, you need 30 minutes.

To actually love someone, you need patience, forgiveness, listening, fighting and then understanding, accepting their flaws.

Physical is instant. Love takes time. And in today's fast world, we want everything instant. So we take the shortcut. We think if we have given our body, we have given our love. But body is easy to give. Peace of mind is difficult.

3. Because We Are Scared To Be Vulnerable

To say "I was scared today" or "I feel insecure about your past" or "I need you" - this needs real courage.

To say "I want you" is easy.

So many couples have sex but never had a conversation where they cried in front of each other. They know each other's bodies but don't know each other's childhood trauma, fears, dreams. They touch each other every day but never really touch each other's soul.

4. Because Validation Has Become Love

We live in a world where if a boy wants sex from you, you feel "wow he desires me, this must be love." If a girl sends nudes, a boy feels "she trusts me so much, this is love."

But desire is not love. Lust says "I want you." Love says "I want you to be okay, even if it's not with me."

So, what SHOULD love actually mean then?

Love is not what happens in bed. What happens in bed should be a result of love, not the proof of it.

Real love is:

1. Safety.:- Can you be ugly, angry, insecure, jobless, broken in front of that person and still feel safe? If yes, that's love. If you have to perform to be loved, that's just acting.

2. Friendship.:- Can you bore each other and still enjoy it? Can you sit in silence without checking your phones? Can you laugh at stupid things? If you are not friends first, lovers won't last.

3. Respect for No:- In love, a "no" doesn't create distance. You can say "I don't want to have sex today" and the other person still hugs you and says "it's okay." If your "no" makes them angry or distant, it's not love, it's just need.

4. Choosing, Every Day. :- Love is not a feeling that just happens. It's a choice. I choose to be loyal when no one is watching. I choose to not lie even when truth is hard. I choose to stay when it's easier to leave. Sex is not a choice you make every day. Love is.

5. Growth.:- The right person doesn't make you lose yourself. They make you find yourself. After being with them, you should become more calm, more focused, more kind, not more anxious, jealous and insecure.

Let's be honest - sex is important in a relationship. It is a beautiful part of love. But it is a part, not the whole.

If you remove sex from your relationship and there is nothing left to talk about, nothing left to do together, no comfort left - then it was never love. It was just mutual physical need.

And need ends. Love doesn't.

Maybe it's time we stop asking "have you slept with him/her?" and start asking "do you feel peaceful with him/her?"

Because in the end, we all don't want someone to just touch our body. We want someone to touch our life and stay.

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